Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product. Paradoxically, the one sure way not to be happy is deliberately to map out a way of life in which one would please oneself completely and exclusively. After a short time, a very short time, there would be little that one really enjoyed. For what keeps our interest in life and makes us look forward to tomorrow is giving pleasure to other people.
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It is easy to slip into self-absorption and it is equally fatal. When one becomes absorbed in himself, in his health, in his personal problems, or in the small details of daily living, he is, at the same time losing interest in other people; worse, he is losing his ties to life. From that it is an easy step to losing interest in the world and in life itself. That is the beginning of death.
I have always liked Don Quixote’s comment, ‘Until death it is all life.’
Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: ‘A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others.’
But there is another basic requirement, and I can’t understand now how I forgot it at the time: that is the feeling that you are, in some way, useful. Usefulness, whatever form it may take, is the price we should pay for the air we breathe and the food we eat and the privilege of being alive. And it is its own reward, as well, for it is the beginning of happiness, just as self-pity and withdrawal from the battle are the beginning of misery.
Eleanor Roosevelt, “You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life“
Tag: Happiness
What’s Really Important on Valentine’s Day
On the way home from class tonight, I passed a flower shop that still had quite a few nice bouquets of roses and other flowers set out. Instead of making me smile, I frowned and kept on walking by. It’s not that I have a problem with Valentine’s Day, since I love having an excuse to get my wife a gift, but this is another holiday I’m spending apart from her. It’s not that I want to focus on the negative, but it’s hard to see these opportunities go by, knowing that it’s a holiday lost, that I didn’t get to spend with her. There’ll be another Valentine’s Day next year; we’re both still young, but this one is passing us by without us being able to share it, together.
It’s strange how we become accustomed to certain things. We get comfortable and assume that someone will always be there. We begin to take things for granted. It’s only when that person is absent that we realize just how big a part of our life they really are. I love my wife, I always have, but now that we’re separated, especially today of all days, I realize just how much I rely on her and enjoy her company. My wife is my inspiration, my motivation, and my joy in life. Everything loses its luster when she’s not with me to share the experience.
Next year, we’ll be together for Valentine’s Day, and I’m looking forward to doing something extra cheesy, a walk through Central Park perhaps, or maybe we’ll do the touristy thing and ride in a horse drawn carriage. Or maybe we’ll go exploring in the main New York Public Library. Whatever it is we do, we’ll do it together, and being together will be the best gift of all. That and a nice dinner.
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